Monday, October 26, 2009

Who am I?

For the past seven months I keep waiting to feel like myself again. Waiting to wake up one morning and feel like the old Kristy. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I realized that I will never be that Kristy again. That person died with Oliver.

My goal now is to be content in my own skin, to rediscover the parts of me that are still there and to figure out who I am now. It has been such a confusing time. For months I have searched and searched for something to fill the void in my life. I have applied for countless jobs, started school, started seeing a counsellor, started selling Pampered Chef, started signing up for things. I have been searching for things to occupy my mind to keep it busy so there is less time to focus on my sadness less time to be consumed with my anxiety.

It is most likely a blessing that I didn't get any of the full-time hard core corporate communications positions I applied for. I don't think I could have handled full-time work on top of everything else. Now I am working part-time, going to school, taking care of Seija, doing the books for my husband's business, selling Pampered Chef and running the household all the while attempting to answer the question, who am I now?

1 comment:

  1. First, thanks for sharing. I'm new to this blogosphere thing. Looking for support as I travel my path after the death of my daugther on 9/28/09. (she was born with trisomy 18 and lived 2 1/2 days).

    I am with you on this! I wonder who I am, and what gives me meaning in life now? I don't have any answers, yet. I'm not who I was, I know that.