Tuesday, October 27, 2009

You've got Mail

I now have a love-hate relationship with both my mailbox and my inbox.

After Oliver died there were sympathy cards in the mailbox EVERY day for over a month. At times the cards were comforting and at times they were like a slap in the face, a constant reminder.

Because I signed up for every sample, free offer, coupons and email newsletter I could find when I was pregnant I still have an abundance of samples and coupons arriving in the mail to feed the baby I don't have. I also have a steady stream of emails with coupons and articles filled with advice on how to handle the baby I don't have. Every time I get a sample in the mail I cry and every time I see an email I can feel the lump in my throat grow larger. But, for some reason I have never unsubscribed to any of the many email and mail services that send torture in the mail. On some level I find comfort in these reminders...perhaps it is about having the opportunity to hold something in my hands that should have been used for Oliver.

Today when I went to my mailbox there was a letter from my church announcing their memorial service this Sunday for all parishioners who passed away this year. A candle will be lit for Oliver and if I attend the service than I will get to light the candle. Receiving this letter today was hard. I felt my grief weigh heavier on my shoulders but I also felt a bit of relief in my heart for the chance to be a little closer to him this Sunday. To light a candle in his name and to celebrate him.

Before I started writing tonight's post I received an email in my inbox that said "Your Baby should be 5 months and two weeks old today!" I felt a little angry and then sad and then I opened it and devoured every word. Sometimes we find comfort in the strangest places.


  1. I got some info from Pampers in the mail on Friday and then a sympathy card. I also keep getting the "your baby should be..." emails. I can't read them, good for you to be able to. Do what you find comfort in.

  2. I got those messages too, and was so hurt by them. I made some phone calls to a couple of companies. The cards from the hospital in memorial were helpful as were and are those who send me cards on my daughter's birthday and death date. They tell me that they remember her too.

  3. Dear Kristy – I accidentally came across your blog and I am so glad I could stop by. I am so sorry for your loss.

    I sincerely hope as time goes by you will find some comfort and peace knowing that one day you will be reunited with Oliver again. Hugs to you.