Saturday, October 24, 2009


Now that is a good title to sum up the last seven months. W.T.F. As in whytf did it in wtf is my little boy doing in a box in my living room instead of sleeping in my arms right in WTF do you think is wrong - my son died.

I know it has been seven months and I know that you must go on with life, as I have done, but it does bother me that people close to me ask what is wrong when I'm sad. Even my husband. Does it not cross their minds that I'm still grieving or does it but they don't want to bring it up? I don't know the answer to that. I have told a few friends about my anxiety issues and some understand but a couple of them are bewildered to the cause, as if it doesn't even cross their minds that it is because I lost my son or because I nearly died myself. Of course I realize that everyone has their own things going on and maybe it is selfish of me to think this way but oh well.

It also bothers me that no one mentions his name. Ever. As though he didn't even exist. Maybe they don't want to upset me but for goodness sakes say his name! Also with many (not all) of my nearest and dearest I can feel their level of discomfort rise the moment I mention Oliver. Their body language changes, their eyes start shifting, they fingers begin fidgeting and I can tell they wish they were anywhere doing anything other than having this conversation. Not that I blame them really, I get it. I wish I didn't have to have this conversation either.

No comments:

Post a Comment