My Healing Heart: The results are in

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The results are in

AND...It's NOT a tumor! I'm surprised, relieved and elated to learn this. I still have my doubts although I have told my husband that I will accept the results as FACTS. One thing to say out loud and quite another to convince myself of.

I must say that the news has given me a new lease on life. I have stopped to smell the roses, to appreciate the little things in life and the big. After spending a couple of months just trying to get through the minutes it is a relief to smile again, to laugh with my daughter, to enjoy things.

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Dear Oliver

This letter from me to my son was read at his funeral.

Dear Oliver,

We never got to meet you but we already loved you with all of our hearts. I spent the last seven months getting to know you as you turned and kicked inside my belly and it was so wonderful.

It feels so cruel that you could be taken away from us before you were born but I do believe that God needed you even more than we did and I am happy that you will never suffer and will always live in eternal happiness at the same time you live inside our hearts.

I am sad that you will never get the chance to come home with us, we have a really great family, if I don’t say so myself. There are so many people who love you. You have two fantastic sets of grandparents who would have been a big part of your life, they would have been there for you through anything and would have spoiled you with all kinds of fun and hugs and of course chocolate.

I am sad that you will never get the chance to do things with your dad. He is an amazing man and he loves you so much. He was so excited to teach you all kinds of things. I just know he would have been your hero just as he is mine and your sisters’.

I’m sad that you will never get to play with your sister. She is so wonderful and even though she would have most likely terrorized you from time to time she would have been a great big sister.

I am heartbroken that I will never get the chance to be your mother in the true sense of the word. I would have done my best to be the mother that you deserved.

Even though it hurts so bad I can hardly stand it I am still so happy that I was pregnant with you. I would never want to change that even if I could, even if it meant I wouldn’t feel this pain because I got to feel you move, because we love you with all of our hearts and because you will always be our son and that is something no one can ever take away from us.

Thank-you Oliver Mikko for touching our lives forever. You have shown me what is truly important in life and you have taught me how precious life is. You have brought so many members of your family closer together and you have given us the gift of love. For these reasons I thank-you my son.

We will always love you,
Mommy