During a moment of self pity earlier this evening I was wondering to myself; "Why can't this be easy? Why must I live in a constant state of worry? Why can't it just be smooth sailing." However, I quickly remembered the lesson I learned 53 weeks ago: Life isn't easy or 'smooth'. And if we are lucky enough to be blessed with our rainbow baby then he/she is worth a lifetime of worry.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Constant state of worry
Well, I had another appointment with my OB today who once again could not find the heartbeat with the doppler and who once again scheduled me for an emergency ultrasound which will be done tomorrow. I'm trying really hard not to freak out. At my ultrasound a couple of weeks ago the tech told us that due to the position of my uterus and placenta we probably wouldn't hear the heartbeat with the doppler for awhile. The logical part of my brain keeps repeating this, but I can't help my heart from beating faster, my hands from shaking or my mind from wandering to a dark yet familiar place. I hope, wish and pray with every ounce of my being that I see a jumping little bean on that screen tomorrow.