After Oskar was born I was talking to one of my OB's about WHY this happened. How could I have such a normal, uneventful 42 week pregnancy with Seija and then have my water break at 30 weeks with Oliver and have him pass away before he was even born and then have that be followed by my pregnancy with Oskar where I bled continuously for 10 weeks before my water broke again, this time at 31 weeks. Why can my body no longer handle carrying babies? WHY WHY WHY.
The consensus of the OB's on duty for the duration of my hospital stay is that my c-section with Seija was botched. Apparently during the section my cervix and my uterus were cut and never repaired. That combined with significant scar tissue has resulted in a faulty uterus which can no longer support baby once he gets to a certain size.
Juha was angry to hear this. Angry that most of the above is written in my file after Seija's birth yet no one ever told me. Angry that the doctor made such an error that later resulted in the death of our baby. But, I have no anger. I am relieved to have an explanation. And I know that if we would have been told this after Seija's birth we would have never tried to get pregnant again. It would have been irresponsible and negligent for us to try for another baby if we knew we could never make it to term and that we could possibly lose a baby. Therefore, if we knew I would have never had the chance to carry Oliver and I wouldn't have my precious miracle Oskar.
Both of my boys are blessings. I am grateful to God that Oskar is here and I believe that my Oliver is watching over us. But I also believe that parts of Ollie will live forever in my little baby Oskar.